It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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三岁女宝宝尿很骚口腔溃疡宝宝感冒只流鼻涕得一个月才好五个月宝宝睡着老是叹气宝宝鼻炎用喷的药能治好八个月宝宝坐不稳正常吗三岁女宝宝尿很骚口腔溃疡宝宝睡觉时老叹气五个月宝宝睡着老是叹气3个多月宝宝睡袋用什么样宝宝手指湿疹一岁宝宝身上起疙瘩一会就消失五个月宝宝睡着老是叹气宝宝背和胸上疹子一岁宝宝身上起疙瘩一会就消失宝宝体温多少度是发热宝宝手指湿疹7个月宝宝缺钙食谱宝宝感冒起疹子八个月宝宝坐不稳正常吗姓氏刘宝宝名双胞胎男两个半月宝宝瘦了一斤宝宝感冒起疹子3个多月宝宝睡袋用什么样宝宝三个月比两个月瘦怀孕两月妈妈哭宝宝会唇畸形吗五个月宝宝后脑勺出汗怀孕两月妈妈哭宝宝会唇畸形吗宝宝三个月比两个月瘦姓氏刘宝宝名双胞胎男给宝宝熬鱼汤可以放白萝卜吗一个东拼西凑的人组成的小队,为拯救世界准备屠杀上阶创世神明。(建议从15章开始看,小白到来,前期感觉不到位,写的有点无趣,后来渐入佳境,请书友不要轻易放弃,给点支持!) “宿主,你不是说你是以蝼蚁之躯游历红尘的巨龙吗?怎么被人捕捉到地牢内受刑了?” 浑身邋遢的君临仙无奈摇头“唉!巨龙也会有打盹的时候,别想以此逼我修炼呀!” 离火宗大殿内,“逆子!这就是你干的好事!你看他徒弟,擎天战神苍凌天,修罗狂刀辛无畏,万灵丹后陈黎,百逐幻影林踪白,天厄毒帝周雅妃,翻天魔少枭痕,八臂天王牧婺,万阵女帝紫嫣然,还有那新收的剑修裂无痕,这些人哪个不是从尸山尸海爬过来的,一不留神我们离火宗就毁了!”意外穿越来到平行世界。 陈宇绑定了“究极治愈游戏系统。”开启了新的人生。 只不过.... 这治愈游戏好像有些不同。 303公交往事的护士女鬼姐姐来治愈你。 青峰精神病院的慈祥老奶奶来治愈你。 寂静中学的柴刀学妹告诉你沉默是金。 牛角村的小嫂子告诉你要相信唯物主义。 一个个游戏被陈宇发布出来,而他家里的刀片已经堆积如山。 所有玩家都在拼命地寻找着他的住处,纷纷表示想要“友好拜访。” 逃到地球的陆源被人追杀,他不想就这么陨落,他要稳健,要苟住发育。 但是……他那便宜老婆家事有点多。 有人死的时候,把他们一家都托付给了陆源,他不喜欢麻烦,决定横推过去。凡人安享平乐,世界武林却风云四起,华夏独立于诸国,东边有一修魔的大儒,西边有一黄沙中舞刀客,北边华夏公认武帝,南边有枪仙破云霞,中原剑仙向天问剑。 它国异人武者不落其后,十大神帝,九大天使王,一佛祖十八罗汉 ...............一道如圆,一道如尘。 入世寻生死,修道觅长生。 沉渊枪作骨,踏虚塑圣魂。 即使自己的道已经凌驾于众生之上,可对于整个茫茫宇宙而言,也只是一粒尘埃而已。 少年重生在异界,在家仆冯世才的带领下,踏上了一条残酷的修真道路。 报父仇,诛奸邪,斩妖族,踏天外...且看少年如何一步步成为人主踏出天外,去摸索修真世界的真相。当高等文明的科技繁衍到巅峰。 迈入到新的纪元历程。 玄能纪元历001年,借助庞大的宇宙资源能量合成改造系统。 高等文明的智慧生物,掌握了宇宙中不该被觊觎的玄能。 从此宇宙中开始频繁出现虫洞,导致时空错乱,平行世界相连! 被高等文明控制的宇宙暗物质暗能量,犹如细菌病毒,开始蔓延到宇宙的各个时空! 威胁程度足以波及到整个宇宙空间的浩劫随之而来……一群穿着防护服的人到了学校,给每一个学生打了一针陨石中的液体。在之后全球又发生了一系列怪事等等他在政界混了这么多年,好不容易穿越到了大明,怎么可能甘心屈膝,成为一个被人鄙视的废物儿子?他从一个穷困潦倒的小老百姓,一路走到了最高的位置。 身份成为机密,新的身份扑朔迷离,是敌是友,安能辩我。
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